Farmer’s Choice

This summer Farmer’s Choice will announce two new exciting additions to their popular  line of poultroid modifoods: the Magnum Monobreasted Poultry-Style “Big-Uns™, and Multi-legged Minichickens™ for kids!.foodism-farmer

The new kid-size, wingless, six-legged, pre-seasoned Minichickens™ will now feature the very latest in Soft-bone™ technology and have been specifically designed with kids in mind!

“We wanted to give our children natural farm-raised poultry-style products.” said busy mom Mindy Meyerson. “But after sedating our kids for dinner, we found the regular-sized drumsticks were simply too hard for then to hold and eat conveniently! That’s why we just love these new Minichickens™ with their six tiny pre-perforated snacklegs! They are so much easier for our kids to hold and chew!”

The new Multi-legged Minichickens™ also come pre-packaged with all the healthy fixins you’d expect to find from Farmers Choice, including all-new microwaveable mini-corn Earlets™, and crunchy bite-sized Salad-Sticks™ filled with real ranch-style dressing centers!”

According to Farmer’s Choice, “the Minichickens™ are all raised through a patented growth process that inundates the tiny modified micro-fowl hourly in a delicious spice-bath for the duration of their brief lives. This Live Seasoning™ process is also designed to provide  exercise to the multi-legged Minichickens™ who swim vigorously in order to avoid asphyxiation beneath a mesquite-flavored liquid spice rub.”  

 Farmers Choice recently announced it will soon be extending its Poultroid line to include its new “Big Uns™”. These tasty megafowl, which are designed to grow to thrice the size of the regularly enhanced Farmers Choice poultroid products, will be available this fall.

“Families with growing teens will love these new pre-barbecued magnum size marvels!” said bubbly biotechnician Dale Redbone. “They’re six times larger than a typical chicken, but without the typical chicken-like appendages!” 

“And don’t forget, added Redbone, “Our new jumbo mono-breasted poultroid products are specifically designed with a sleek dorsal “stem” that remains fully attached to the plant-like base until separated. Since these products are technically ‘harvested’ rather than slaughtered, thy offer  our plant-loving customers a brand-new Neo-Vegan™ option!”