Farmer’s Choice!


Farmers Choice has just announced two exciting new additions to their popular line of Poultroid Modifoods, the Magnum Monobreasted Poultry-Style “Big-Uns™”, and the hot new Multilegged Minichickens™.

The new kid-size wingless, six-legged pre-seasoned Minichickens™ will feature the very latest in Soft-bone™ technology and have been specifically designed with kids in mind!

“We wanted to give our children natural farm-raised chicken-style poultry products.” said busy mom Mindy Meyerson. “But we found that after sedating our kids  for dinner, they found the regular-sized drumsticks too hard to eat conveniently. We just love these new Minichickens™ with their six pre-perforated snacklegs! They are so much easier for our kids to hold and chew!”

The new Multi-legged Minichickens™ also come pre-packaged with all the healthy fixins you’d expect to find from Farmers Choice including new microwaveable mini-corn earlets, and crunchy bite-sized salad-stick bars filled with real ranch-style dressing centers!”

According to Farmers Choice, Minichickens™ are also raised in a sustainable patented growth process that inundates the tiny modified micro-fowl hourly in a delicious spice-bath for the duration of their brief lives. This Live Seasoning™ process as it is called, is also designed to provide suffiient exercise to the tiny multi-legged Minichickens™ who must swim vigorously in order to avoid asphyxiation beneath waves of spicy mesquite-flavored liquid spice rub. 

Meanwhile, the Big Uns™, which are designed to grow to thrice the size of normal Farmers Choice poultroid products will be available this fall. “Families with growing teens will love tbese new pre-barbecued magnum size marvels!” said bubbly biotechnician Dale Redbone. “They’re six times larger than a typical chicken, but without the typical chicken-like appendages!” 

Redbone goes on to explain how the Jumbo Mono-breasted poultroid products was designed with a streamlined “stem” that remains fully attached to the base of its massive mono-breast until seperated at “harvesting”.

“And since our new Big Uns ™ are technically “harvested” rather than slaughtered,” said Redbone “they offer our customers a great new Vegan-friendly option!”