Coffee Lecture


Ok. Now, I want to discuss something very important with you.

No. Don’t ask me anything right now I just want you to listen! Now see this here. If this thing gets too hot right here, over here, if this gets too hot, over here, and I don’t know why it does that, but if it gets too hot then I want you to turn this knob over here either all the way to the left or all the way to the right, whichever cools it down and then immediately back again to the middle.

Because I’m not sure which is hot and cold and it needs to end up in the middle! No. I told you, do not leave it either on the right or on the left! Just leave it in the middle like I said! Don’t ask me why, Goddamit, I just want you to do it that way because that’s what I want you to do and then dont touch it anymore after that! Can’t you just do what I ask you for once and not always argue with me?

Ok, good and one more very important thing. Are you listening to me now? I want you to remember that no matter what else you do never, ever, turn this button here either up or down.

That’s right. I’m telling you not to push it either way! No! I don’t want to talk about it right now I just want you to do what I’m telling you to do!

The big fucking deal is I haven’t told you the most important thing yet and you still aren’t listening to me!

I’m going to tell you! The most important thing is to always remember to pull out the plug whenever you leave the room.

Yes, that’s what I said. 

Yes, every single time.

That’s right. 

Because that’s what I want!

Because I want to be sure that it’s off that’s why!

Yes, I did read the instructions and no I don’t want to discuss this with you anymore! I just want you to do what I’m asking and that’s it! You got it! Good! Thank you.

Now I’m going upstairs. Oh, and one more thing. You’re not going to be cooking anything more tonight are you, like tea or anything? Because it makes your mother nervous.

Good. Ok then. Well. Good night.