Farmers Choice

 foodism-farmer

Farmers Choice has just announced two exciting new additions to their popular line of Poultroid Modifoods:The Magnum Monobreasted Poultry-Style “Big-Uns™”* and the hot new Multilegged Minichickens™.

The tiny wingless, six-legged pre-seasoned Minichickens™ will feature the very latest in soft-bone technology and have been specifically designed with kids in mind!

“We wanted to give our children natural farm-raised chicken-style poultry products but found that after sedating them for dinner, the regular sized drumsticks were still too hard for them to eat conveniently.” said busy mom Mindy Meyerson.

“We were all so excited to try these new Minichickens with their six pre-perforated snacklegs! They are so much easier for our kids to hold and chew!”

The new Multi-legged Minichickens™ also come pre-packaged with all the healthy fixins you’d expect to find from Farmers Choice including new microwaveable mini-corn earlets, and crunchy bite-sized salad-stick bars filled with real ranch-style dressing centers!”

According to Farmers Choice, Minichickens™ are also raised in a sustainable patented growth process that inundates the tiny modified micro-fowl hourly in a delicious spice-bath for the duration of their brief lives. This Live Seasoning™ process as it is called, is also designed to provide suffiient exercise to the tiny multi-legged Minichickens™ who must swim vigorously in order to avoid asphyxiation beneath waves of spicy mesquite-flavored liquid spice rub. 

Meanwhile, the Big Uns™, which are designed to grow to thrice the size of normal Farmers Choice poultroid products will be available this fall. “Families with growing teens will love tbese new pre-barbecued magnum size marvels!”  said bubbly biotechnician Dale Redbone. “They’re six times larger than a typical chicken, but without the typical chicken-like appendages!”

Redbone goes on to explain how the Jumbo Mono-breasted poultroid products was designed with a streamlined “stem” that remains fully attached to the base of its massive mono-breast until seperated at “harvesting”.

“And since our new Big Uns ™ are technically “harvested” rather than slaughtered,” said Redbone  “they offer our customers a great new Vegan-friendly option!”