I am the very model of a modern Food Blog Editor
I perfectly pronounce my pastry “patty shoe” and “petty four”
I frequent the new restaurants to study their gastronomy
And recommend the one’s where someone working there comes on to me.
I’m shrinking from a future full of GMO’s without control
I used to drink Kombucha till they took out all the alcohol,
I love a Crème brûlée although it bothers my dentation some
And I drink chardonnay sans maloactic fermentation.Yum!
I’ve written several iphone apps that you can download right away
To help you tell a Pabst Beer from a Stags Leap District Cabernet
I follow every seafood guide that lists the fish sustainable,
And blatantly avoid the choices easily refrainable.
My herbal skills are deft and I know cannabis from tarragon
And I can tell you which top chef’s a prostitute or paragon
And if you ask what fish to broil with mirin, soy and sesame
I’ll email you a URL and recommend a recipe.
Last week I was berated by a Lacto-Vegetarian
Three Celiacs, a Vegan and a ravenous Breatharian,
Plus carnivores have bones to pick, their animus grew meatier
The time I blogged that eating meat makes global warming speedier!
By dietary choice I am a Qualmnivore (I doubt it all).
I can’t enjoy it anymore I know too much about it all
My church is Pastafarian, I drink Matcha assertively
And gracefully decline if its foie gras they wanna serve to me.
My cooking you’ll adore cause I explore it more as alchemy
I’m such a locavore that I can forage from my balcony
And if I’m feeling blase I don’t need to forage far afield
I’ll order Omakase from whatever sticks to my windshield!
To Fair-trade I’m no novice, all my coffee comes from Zimbabwe
And one tenth of the profits go to help the workers run away,
Its all bird-friendly and shade grown in bags biodegradable
But whether it is Starbucks-owned is still somewhat debatable!
Although I may be frugal, I’m a decent fellow all in all
My quotes can all be googled and their often Michael Pollenal
If I don’t know which wine to buy then surely my advisor will
He knows a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a guy in Geyserville!
So now you see by evidence both lyrical and credible
In literary terms and as an expert on what’s edible
In spite of being coddled and in constant fear of creditors
I am the very model of a modern Food Blog Editor!
Now on Stage: